Wednesday, November 14, 2007

"Are you expecting again?"

This is the question that can send you spiraling into a deep dark depression quicker than anything other than actually being pregnant. Well, unless you want to be.
Someone asked me this today.
I wanted to shoot myself.
I mean, what do you say to this? No, moron. I'm just fat?
Ok. I do wear a uniform shirt that doesn't tuck in. It has pockets in the front and when laying against my fat roll just so, I suppose you could mistake if for a pregnancy. But still. Have you noticed our fat society in America today? The majority of us fatsos that gorge on fast food 4 to 5 days a week have a fat roll or doesn't mean we're pregnant.
Oh, and its not like the rest of my body isn't chubby. Can you not tell my arse is bigger too???? That just maybe I've gained some weight? Uggghhh.

So maybe there are some of you out there that has made this mistake and I'm here to help you. If you see someone who you think is pregnant:

1. Just don't ask. What does it matter if they are?

2. Don't dare pat their fat roll and say "whoa girl, just how far along are you?"

3. If you just can't stand it and have to ask try to ask without actually asking "Are you expecting?" Try this instead: "So, how are feeling? You look wore out!" If they are indeed pregnant you will get the response you are looking for such as: "Oh, just horrible, If this baby doesn't come out soon I'm gonna croak!" If she isn't you might get: "Yeah, come to think of it I am wore out and a little hungry too. Wanna go get some pizza?"

4. Just because she is wearing a shirt that ties in the back, it DOES NOT mean she's expecting. (I refuse to buy these shirts because usually you're just asking for it then.)

I'm sure there are more points to add but I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm gonna go to the Biggest Loser website and see if they are taking applications for next year.

I digress. (or whatever you say to change the subject)

On a more serious note I have an urgent prayer request. A fellow mail carrier that I work with was in a tragic car accident last night and is in very bad shape. It crushed him from his waist down and ruptured his liver and spleen. He also has swelling in the brain and has lost a lot of blood. His name is Jody Hanback. Please lift his name up in prayer and pray that God will bring him through this!


Kellan said...

Hey Mailgirl - BTW, did you see that Dawn, over at Because I said so, got her book deal today? Just thought I'd tell that case you didn't catch her latest post.

Anyways ... about your post! You crack me up!!! I think some of us other funny folks could be writing some books too - don't you. This was a funny post - I love the "I digress (or whatever you say to change the subject)" - so funny! People don't so much ask me if I'm pregnant, they ask me if I'm the grandma. A LOT of the time. It's no fun either. "Nope, she's mine." They never know what to say. It's always women that ask these stupid questions - what's the matter with these stupid women? We should know better than to ask these pregnancy or age questions!

And ... about your friend, Jody - I will keep him in my prayers. How awful. How awful.

Take care - see you soon.

PS: my post tonight was how my husband and I met - our anniversary is this weekend, so I'm doing a few posts about us - aren't I the sweetest thing?

Becky said...

ROFL about patting their fat roll and saying, "Whoa girl, just how far along are you?"! That was hee-larious! The nerve of some people to pat your stomach anyway! I mean, Hello...ever hear of personal space?! Sheesh!

You're not alone...I've had that happen plenty of times over the years, and always by other 'blurt-out-whatever-is-on-the tip-of-their-tongue' type women that don't give a thought to what their dumb, thoughtless comments could do to a person.

So, I usually just allow nature to take it's course, and reply with, "Nope, I just love chocolate" or "Nope, my baby is two now..." so they have to put their foot in their mouths and be embarrassed. (Perhaps then they'll learn to think before they speak!)

I'll be praying for Jody and his family, too, both for healing and peace during this crisis. Does he know the Lord?

Anonymous said...

Can you believe how just plain stupid people are? Does that sound very godly this morning? I remember after I had my first and went back to work when he was 2 months old and someone asked me when I was going to have that thing?? Talk about post-pardum depression!! You are beautiful! Inside & Out! I am blessed to have you as my friend!

Dimple Queen said...

I will definitely pray for Jody and his family.

About your cracked me up again. I have to ditto Becky up there about the patting on the belly comment. That was stinkin' funny!

You are too funny!

Carrie Lea said...

I wore one of those cutesty cardigan thingy that has the high waist.....not tooo good. Last week at church a lady came up to me and asked if I was pregnant? Uh no....I had the surgery you know where they take out all the necessary parts to conceive. She looked like she could have died. Good grief women when are we going to learn...ya think we would know not to say things like that! So I went home and ate like there was no tomorrow:) And I'm going to wear it again....wonder who will be the next one to insert foot in mouth :)

Cheryl said...

I just got your message. I will ask Anna about babysitting. I think she will be available. Email me your number and I will call you tonight. Cut it out with the fat thing! You let this weight thing bother you way to much. Wait until you get a double chin (like me). This year my chin just fell and made another one. It really bothers me, oh and the wrinkles on my NECK!! Where did that come from? You are a very beautiful girl inside and out!

Weelo said...

hey brooke,

do you watch biggest loser?
it is a ritual here for me, my two sons and my buddy julie.
first we eat lots of tacos cuz it's taco tuesday. then we eat our dessert then it's up to watch b.l.
the chick that got voted off this week (Amy) is from our home town.
we were not cheering for that homie though cuz she didn't seem like the nicest of gals.
i am so sorry to hear about jody's accident. will keep him in my prayers.

The Preacher's Wife said...

i have a hard and fast rule:

never ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you are in the delivery room and the baby's head is coming out.

it's just best that way. :)

praying for your friend too..

Sue said...

Seriously, how do people get to adulthood without learning that? Yikes. Sorry that happened. Poop.

Dimple Queen said...

Hey Brooke,
Thanks for stopping buy. I am going to post a little later just some introductory info for the bible study I am doing, then get started with it after Thanksgiving. I don't have internet at home, so I do this inbetween my classes, duties at the school and on my conference period....NONE of my parents ever come for conferences....kind of sad sometimes but sometimes it turns out kind of nice!

Anyway....I will post a little later today, then I will be out for a week.

Have a great Thanksgiving! We are actually eating "the meal" on Tuesday 'cus the hubby and I are going to the Dallas Cowboys game on Thanksgiving day!

See Ya!

Deedra said...

Girl, don't you dare go on Biggest Loser! Don't you remember those sports bras they wear to the weigh ins? I break out in a cold sweat just watching that! I'm talking nightmares and all! Can you imagine the whole world seeing you like that?...I'm pretty sure I'd just tell them to add the 1.5 pounds or so that shirt would weigh, 'cause I ain't gonna be showing all my business off on national TV!

The Preacher's Wife said...

I need a laugh..where are you?? :))


Dimple Queen said...

Hey girl....where you been???? I was away from the computer for almost a week and I come back to the same post??? Whatz up wit dat??? LOLOL

I'm with Lisa ... we need a laugh! :)


Becky said...

Oh where is our mailgirl, oh where is our mailgirl...oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where o where or wheeeeeere, is our mailgirl?

(Sing the above in Larry Boy's voice).

suburbancorrespondent said...

Yes, once I had a doctor ask me how far along I was. I was 4 months post-partum. I think that's about when I finally hauled my fat bod over to Weight Watchers.

What are you going to be certified in? Elementary Ed.?